Marie Catrib's

Marie Catrib's
1001 Lake Drive. SE
Grand Rapids, MI 49506

A friend of mine invited me to breakfast a few months ago, and he had me meet him at Marie Catrib's.

You know what I hate? When somebody thinks they can make perfect better. Let's take something that was perfect, like, say, the Oreo. The perfect cookie. And then some dumbass dipshit doesn't understand the word "perfect" and tries to improve on it. See, by definition, this can't be done. But still, here comes "Double-Stuffed Oreos."
They totally suck because the upend the whole cookie to filling ratio. And then, let's coat double-stuffed Oreos in chocolate. These people seem to want to stretch the totally-crappy-suck-awful envelope. They keep going crazy until they have yellow Oreos stuffed with watermelon creme filling. And everything they've ever done after the simple, pure, first Oreo, totally blows. Why do people do this? Is it a mental disorder? Don't get me started on the "improvements" in peanut butter, The Wizard of Oz, Catsup, or a myriad of other things. It makes me crazy.

And so do restaurants that think they can do a simple perfect thing like, say....breakfast...better?

Now Marie Catrib's had an impressive deli counter, and I was given exquisite samples from that, so there are lots of good things about this place. But the breakfast menu was so full of spinach, tofu, water chestnuts crap, that it was hard - no, impossible to order a couple of eggs, hash browns, and bacon. Look, breakfast is supposed to be a simple thing. Like the Oreo. But there are always people who think they have a better idea.

My favorite breakfast is eggs, home-made toast, hash browns, sausage, and coffee. Can you get this at Marie Katribe's? Of course not. You can get the overly-hip tofu sausage, and maybe eggs, but of course toast has too many carbs. And it does, but that should be my decision to make.

They have a following. And they will be there a long time. Because there are people who love this, and the hipness, and being in Eastown, and being at an eatery other than Yesterdog in Eastown, and yadda, yadda, yadda. It wasn't horrible. Much of it was very good. But that's because I was with one of the coolest guys ever. But seriously, the food in the restaurant belies the stuff in the deli.

Visit this place. Get everything at the deli, and then get out. And if you're looking for breakfast, go to Denny's. But there have been other very positive reviews about their lunch menu. So who knows? But I still have to distance myself from the tragically hip.

The Good: A wonderful deli counter, and a fabulous staff that seemed to really care.

The Bad: Hard to order a simple breakfast.

The Ugly: Tragically hip.


Grade: D+