Clementines

Clementine's

500 Phoenix Street
South Haven, Michigan 49090

The Building was once a bank, and the one next to it that has been absorbed into it was probably a drug store. But this is a distinct building and nearly in the center of the town. When people were trying to give us directions to a book store, we just asked "Where from Clementine's?"

One thing everyone that ever spoke on this place mentioned onion rings. And so we had to try them. One orders them here by the inch, either 6 or 12 inches. So we ordered 6 inches (they come on a base that has a stick coming up and the rings are stacked on this). They were wonderful. Golden and crunchy, and served with ranch dressing.

Penny ordered the Harbor Bay Burger which is their olive burger. I had the Gold Miner burger which is just a cheese burger. But the meat patties were very generous and these would be a double burger in most places. They are served open face, so one has to put it together so to speak. Which is good because we could add the fixings to our liking. They are served with your choice of a side and they automatically come with cole slaw. When they were presented my wife commented "It smells like they did them on a charcoal grill." She has a good nose because that's exactly what they tasted like. Like there was a charcoal grill going in the backyard and they had done them there.

They also come with a house salad, which was pretty standard. I chose the side of potato pancakes, and Penny chose their French Onion Soup. The French Onion soup was very much to her liking and she knows of what she speaks when it comes to French Onion soup. The potato pancakes were just the mini version of McDonald's "hash browns", and nothing special here. But they provide sour cream you can dip them in.

So when in South Haven, visit Clementines. Worth the visit, if for no other reason than the onion rings.

The Good: They offer a full menu which includes seafood, Italian and Mexican based entrees, steaks, and many homemade soups that change daily. They also offer a full bar, and yet are family friendly and feature a kid's menu. The interior is beautiful with the original metal ceilings and other interesting features of an era sadly gone by.

The Bad: Parking is tough even though they have the street around them and an additional lot. But so what if you have to walk a block to get there? Not likely, but even if you do, you'll need to burn the calories on the way back to the car.

The Ugly: They are too far from me for me to be a regular.

Grade: A-

Maria's

MARIA'S
330 Center Street
South Haven, Michigan.

Admittedly we were there on March 18th. So for South Haven, the "off season." So we were seated right away. I think after Memorial Day, not so much. There is a sign at the entrance that says, "Only send in ONE person from your party, to reserve a table."

We did not wait at all to get a table. So I'm guessing there are usually lines in the summer. 

We got in right away and got a wonderful table. The wife ordered a sample of the blueberry wine, and the "Tour of Italy." That included noodles Alfredo, meat ravioli, and stuffed shells. She raved about all three. I settled for the Chicken Parmesan. I meant to order the cod on spaghetti but had a brain cramp at the wrong moment. But still, this was great!

The sample of the blueberry wine sold her, so she bought a glass, and we bought a bottle. When we got the bill, we pointed out to the server that she forgot to charge us for the glass, and she responded, "What the heck, you bought a bottle, it's on us." 

My wife's favorite cuisine is Italian, and she is picky, but this is easily in her top 1 or 2. I loved what I had and look forward to about half of it as lunch on Sunday.  

THE GOOD: Great food. Nice prices. People who seem to care, and a chef that takes pride in his/her food. Great Service. Generous portions. 

THE BAD: Parking is tough in the summer. But that's it. 

THE UGLY In the summer, this may mean a long wait in front of the restaurant. 

Worth the wait. 

Grade: A-

The Green Harp

The Green Harp
Lafayette Street
Greenville, Michigan

This is a place that is trying to make a go of it in a spot that many before it have failed. So people tend to take the attitude, "they won't be there long, so why bother?" But they should bother.

We have eaten there twice now. It's supposedly connected to Ireland somehow, but they play Frank Sinatra music 99% of the time and then throw one of those inane Irish things. It's Irish Bluegrass. And a little bit of that goes a long way with me. 

The first time we went I had the Meat Loaf Sandwich. Penny had the Chicken and Waffles. We were both blown away. It was very good stuff. In fact my Meat Loaf Sandwich was so generous my daughter ate the second half after I took it home, and begged to go there sometime! My bride loved the chicken and waffles. To whoever thought up this combo, my hat is off to you. 

Today Penny enjoyed the Greek Chicken Wrap, and I had the Galway Fish Sandwich. Have to throw an Irish word in the name of this stuff don't you know.....

The wrap she ordered with traditional fries which are no where near traditional. I ordered the Galway Bay Fish Sandwich. She loved her Greek Chicken wrap and was able to consume it all. Which is a testimony to how good it was. She got the unusual usual fries. So did I with my fish sandwich, thinking 'fish and chips'.  These Fries here resemble potato swirls.  I know, I know, but get them and see if I'm wrong. 

My fish sandwich was topped with cod, tomato, mayo, and bay and red dill (whatever that is) relish - essentially a tartar sauce - and lettuce, on a toasted sourdough roll. It was fabulous. 

Both times we have left here and we were no where near disappointed. This is good eats, and you need to check this out. Good Food. But this location is poison. But let's all get together and make it happen!

THE GOOD: Great food. A little on the pricey side, but I don't mind when the food is this good. And a nice environment. 

THE BAD: It's a breakfast, lunch place. Translation: "And We're not serious, please help us go out of business soon." And slightly pricey.

THE UGLY: Even though parking is limited around here, it's not horrible. What's ugly is their hours. This incredible chef has to call it quits at 4 in the afternoon so adios, brother. You will not be with us long. You have an 4 to 9 pm menu and you shut the doors at 4 pm? Keep in touch brother.  Also,  my wife tasted the slightest hint of fish on her fries. That is a serious no-no for me. If you don't eat fish, like my wife, avoid the fries, 

This is a great place. Good Food. Consistently. But daytime only. So they will be gone shortly. 

But before they go, try something here. 

Grade: B+

Grand Rapids Garage Bar and Grille

Grand Rapids Garage Bar and Grill
819 Ottawa Avenue NW
Grand Rapids, MI 49503

A few friends and I were planning on attending a Beatles Tribute show, and before the show we decided to get together for dinner. Somebody suggested a new place they heard about and we ended up in the Grand Rapids Garage Bar and Grill.

This place is nestled in the middle of a factory district so one would have to know about it and seek it out to find it. We all found seats at a table big enough, and enjoyed an atmosphere that we could actually talk in. They feature the usual assortment of domestic, imported, and craft beers.

Someone ordered an appetizer, the "Garage Fries", which were a delightful bunch of fries covered in a barbecue sauce, a sour cream sauce, and jalapeños and other cheeses. These were tremendous. Mostly because the fries were hand cut; meaning they hand cut them every morning and they are never frozen. That is the secret to great fries in my opinion. Just like the fries Mom used to make.

My wife ordered the Olive Burger. (That might be a West Michigan thing, not sure). She loved it. Not just the burger, but also the bun. She said it had a special sweetness to it. And to do an Olive Burger correctly takes the exact blend of mayo, diced olives-NOT SLICED WHICH IS THE GREAT LAZY MISTAKE MADE BY 99% OF EVERYWHERE, cheese, and tomato to make it great. She thought this one was very good.

I ordered the Beef Brisket sandwich. They were very accommodating and gave me their barbecue sauce on the side so I could add it to my liking. Sometimes places scrimp too much. But not here.
It was a very good sandwich and it came with more of their great fries - fries as good as Five Guys fries and that's saying something. The sandwich was so big I couldn't finish it or the fries.

I would recommend this place and am planning to go back next week. Great food and a nice, pleasant atmosphere.

The GOOD: Great fries. With the sandwich or as an appetizer.

The BAD: Half the restaurant bar is trying too hard to appeal to a low life level pool player. Space that should be taken up with tables panders to a crowd that will drive regular people away. This place needs to figure out what it wants to be, and go for it.

The UGLY: The Parking. It's all street parking. Most of it metered. After 6 pm it's free but if you go for lunch.....

Grade: a cautious B+

The Red Ball Jet Cafe. The Red Jet Cafe.

The Red Ball Jet Cafe.
1431 Plainfield Avenus. NE
Grand Rapids, Michigan 49505
Phone: 616-719-5500 but reservations not accepted.

In my continuing quest to find new and unique places, today my Publisher, my Wife, and I decided to go to "The Red Ball Jet Cafe." But that's what the sign says. Inside everything was "Red Jet Cafe" undoubtedly from fear of a law suit from the Red Ball Jet Sneakers company.

The menu featured appetizers, salads, entrees, breakfast all day, burgers, some Mexican, Pizza, sandwiches, soups (one of the soups today was a squash bisque that sounded great), and on and on. For some reason we all were in a breakfast mood so we all decided on the skillet stuff on the Breakfast page. My wife and my publisher both got the ribeye skillet and I opted for the Corned Beef Hash skillet.

The service was terrific, and no complaints there. When we got there, we had to sit at a counter waiting for a table. Two others walked in after us and they were 'entitled' kind of guys, and when a table began to clear they wanted it, but the staffer spoke up and said, "no, these people [us] get that." Very nice.

When our entrees arrived, they looked wonderful. Great presentation. Two poached eggs on the side over this exquisite potato and meat feast. Only mine wasn't so meaty. As in practically none.

My wife and my publisher went on an on about how much they enjoyed the ribeye and the bacon in their skillet entree, whereas I, accidentally stumbled on a piece of meat somewhere in the process of eating this.

So, unfortunately all I can report on here is the breakfast menu. My wife's and Publisher's skillet was tasty and wonderful. They loved it. My publisher inquired about the hours, because he wants to bring a date here.

I, however, felt shorted on the promise of corned beef. It never happened. What I got, potatoes and tomatoes, and spinach was good, but I would liked to have it been high-lighted by corned beef. But that's just me. The rest was delicious.

The Good: If you order the right thing, you're in for a pleasant surprise.

The Bad: Metered Parking all around. But a free lot close by, if you're willing to walk a hundred feet or so.....

The Ugly: They totally gypped me on my Corned Beef Hash. I am a firm believer that Corned Beef should actually have Corned Beef somewhere in the equation. So if that makes me a bad guy.....

OVERALL GRADE: B

Lord of the Fries

I don't report on chain restaurants. When I started this blog I wanted to review the small independent spots that I had the pleasure or displeasure of dining at. But I am going to go outside of that sphere. It is because I once in a while I hear a statement that makes me absolutely cringe. And that is:

                 "One thing about McDonald's, they have the best fries."

This just makes my skin crawl. How can the one place that has absolutely, without a doubt, the worst fries on the market continually get people to perpetuate this myth? Maybe it all began back in the day when all chain fries were basically the same. And since McDonald's is far and away the industry leader they gained the aid of this myth. Because back in the day, there were no real stand-outs. But things have changed and they've been changed for a long time now. So for all of you brainless dimwits who have it burned into your brain that McDonald's have the best fries, let me give you a few examples of places that have way better fries. I mean, seriously this means everywhere else, but I'll give you dead palate zombies some other fries to check out.

STEAK AND SHAKE: A smaller version of the usual fry, reminiscent of Shoestring potatoes. Anyone remember those? Very Good. I toss them into their Chili.

BURGER KING: A few years ago Burger King made some slight change. It might be as simple as they changed the type of oil they fry in. Whatever they did, their fries are far superior to McDonald's.

WENDY'S: These are whole cut potato fries, meaning you will see part of the potato skin on the end of some. They are cut slightly larger, and have a much more authentic fry taste than McD's.

ARBY's: For years Arby's (you just have to know this place was started by someone whose initials were RB, and thus the name) anyway, Arby's for years have had some of the greatest fries around. Their renown Curley Fries are soft and tasty, and so much better than anything McDonald's could come up with.

LONG JOHN SILVER's: Great fish, great chicken, great hush puppies, and great fries. Much better than Mickey Dee's.

TEXAS ROAD HOUSE: Like any other steak restaurant, TRH offers potato wedges, or sometimes called "cottage fries." These are considerably better than the junk McD's can offer.

And finally, the very best:

FIVE GUYS, burgers and fries: These are truly the best fries in the business. The best, bar none. And I have asked myself why? Why are these fries one million miles above all others in the business? And finally it came to me. These are the only french fries of any chain that are never frozen. They have sacks of potatoes in the restaurant everyday, and every morning they chop them into fries and that is what they use all day. These are never frozen, which makes all the difference in taste. These are the best.

If you really think McDonald's have the best fries, try eating, ummm, let's see, ANYWHERE else sometime. You will be surprised. McDonald's fries are the worst in the business. Period.

I should also mention that in studies, when folks (maybe the guy who did the film "Super-Size Me") sit out all fast food out and film it in time lapse, all the burgers and other items grow mold and eventually fall apart and basically finally turn into granular sand, the McDonald's fries still look like they just came out of the frier. I have a theory. If mold won't eat something, maybe we shouldn't either.

The Middleton Diner

The Middleton Diner
125 N. Newton
Middleton, Michigan


Over the years, since I worked in a nearby town, I have come to this place many times. Recently my wife and I have occasionally ventured out there for dinner, as we did today, and it suddenly occurred to me...I've never reviewed this place!

And oh boy folks you need to know about this place!

On Michigan's M-57 one heads east from Greenville about 25 miles, through the town of Carson City, and on to the first intersection since Carson City with any kind of traffic light. One then turns left into the teensy-tiny burg of Middleton. Main Street consists of about 200 feet. On one side there is a grocery store, and on the other there is the Post Office and the Middleton Diner.

The Middleton Diner used to be kind of a rundown building with faded linoleum and aging paint on the walls, but this was all overlooked because of the food. But the place recently has had a complete overhaul and is really quite nice.

When going on a Sunday, as we did today, the only thing that used to be offered was the Buffet. Period. But today, she asked if we were going to get the buffet? As if we could get other menu items. But seriously, anyone who may ever be here....get the buffet. Just do it.

The buffet today featured it's premium product [as it always does], the best fried chicken you'll ever have, hear about, or read about. Everyone I've ever known who's had it says it's the best they've ever had. Today's buffet also included Ham, Roast Beef, mashed potatoes, gravy, biscuits, baked beans, candied yams, string beans, and a full salad bar which includes a wonderful pudding desert.

I have been here once when they were offering a deep fried pork chop that was the best pork chop I've ever had, and I've been around the block folks.

Friends, this food is what every Mom and Pop restaurant wishes they could put in front of you. As I've said, the chicken is the best you'll ever have, the potatoes are real and not from a box, the string beans are done to perfection, and if anything is running low, wait about 2 seconds because the refill is on it's way.

The Middleton Diner also features wonderful home-made pies, including my favorite Rhubarb. But honestly the graham-cracker vanilla pudding dessert on the salad bar is so good it's a tough choice.

The wait staff are gracious and friendly, and I cannot fathom better food anywhere. It is definitely worth the drive, sailboat ride, or plane trip from wherever you're at. Come to greasy spoon Mecca.

Grade: A++